


Colours of a Broken Soul

by XxGh0stCatxXs Original Works (XxGh0stCatxX)



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, a different version of 'Colours of a Broken Soul'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-08-31 17:54:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8588146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxGh0stCatxX/pseuds/XxGh0stCatxXs%20Original%20Works
Summary: Sagiel Williams talks in colour coded riddles and bruised knuckles.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Colours of a Broken Soul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8443351) by [XxGh0stCatxX](https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxGh0stCatxX/pseuds/XxGh0stCatxX). 



Sagiel Williams once overheard her teacher telling her parents that she ‘saw red’. She hadn’t understood at the time, as a five-year-old, but she squinted around the room anyway, figuring she was _supposed_ to see red. Nothing in her preschool classroom was red though, save for a red number seven on the wall amidst a bunch of other coloured numbers. She looked down at her split knuckles, staring intensely, because maybe that had something to do with it?  Her knuckles were red with blood after all, as was Alexander’s nose after she punched him. When the small family arrived home her mother grabbed her arm and demanded to know why Sagiel had hit Alexander. “Why would you hit someone Sagiel? You know you’re supposed to use your words when you get upset, not your fists!” Sagiel looked down at her feet and considered.

 

“I was helping Jane,” she began. Her mother looked confused. “Alexander stole her scarf and when he saw the weird scars on her neck he and Scarlett started laughing at her. So I punched him and gave the scarf back.” She finished her little story and began picking at her knuckles, which were beginning to scab over. Her mother looked horrified and her father just looked angry. Sagiel tilted her head and looked at her mom, remembering how similar Jane’s expression was when Sagiel handed back the soft red scarf with little darker spots on it from the blood. She stared at her hands again and imagines them covered in blood as they were after her hit had landed against Alex’s nose. She tilted her head to the side before looking up at her mother again and asking, “what does it mean to see red? Does it have to do with blood? Cos I saw Alex’s blood when I punched him…” Her mother shook her head and looked to her father and Sagiel wondered what that meant exactly. She began to think that maybe red wasn’t a very nice colour, and continued to do so until Jane brought in red poppies for the class and she gave Sagiel one, muttering a soft “thank you” under her breath as she scurried away. Sagiel flushed red up to her ears and thought that maybe red was the best colour.

 

When they were ten Sagiel started being sent home more and more often for fighting with other kids. One such incident was when James took all the red coloured pencils and Sagiel shoved him off the seat because “red is  _ my  _ colour, James!”. After her parents picked her up her father started ranting about “the fuckin’ faggots ruinin’ my daughter”, and how “society was crumbling” as they “encouraged” more and more people to “be gay”, and her mother yelled at him to not say that in front of Sagiel, and Sagiel just wondered what her father was talking about with words like ‘gay’ and ‘faggot’ and why her mother was casting her such fearful glances. Jane took to watching Sagiel’s seat to see when she would arrive because after all, her mother did say that while she should probably steer clear of the other girl, she should also be compassionate because most of the time when people hurt others, they’ve been hurt as well. She would often turn her face away whenever Sagiel walked in though, because she was still extremely scared of the hard-eyed, black haired girl with the soft caramel skin. 

 

Sagiel understood why people were afraid of her, she hit too quick and asked questions too slow and didn’t often feel remorse for doing it. She liked how the blood looked as it ran down her split knuckles and how the bruising turned a nice dark purple and blue as it began to heal. People were scared of her because she was only ten and she already had a dark, haunted look in her eyes, and she already hit people for things as simple as taking her pencil without asking. She had a mean streak a mile wide and everyone knew it, including her mother and father. She was only ten and she already looked like she might kill someone if given the chance, and yet, she was gentle with Jane. She cautiously moved past her in the hall, careful to not jostle the other as they walked into their fifth-grade classroom. She would gently hand her coloured pencils and crayons that she wanted and never complained if Jane asked her to do something for her. With everyone else she was aggressive and angry and she burned bright red, but with Jane she mellowed out to soft pink in gentleness and adoration. Her father noticed it and accused her of being gay and her mother cried out in shock and screamed at him. Sagiel still didn’t understand those terms and oftentimes wondered late at night why her father hated her and why her mother looked scared of her. She leaned her head back against her pillow and thought that maybe being pink all the time would make her mother happier.

 

When they were twelve Sagiel had darkened even more, from candy red to crimson in her anger and aggression. Her father had taken to smacking her hands with a wooden spoon when she was sent home for fighting, making already split knuckles turn redder and redder as the blood began to flow anew. Jane still scuttled around her with the utmost caution, doing her best to not upset the crimson girl as Sagiel just slowly grew darker with bloodstains and bruises. She tried to lighten to pink for her mother, but every time she tried to be bubblegum instead of blood she just seemed to add more black with the bruises she caused and just dyed herself darker. It wasn’t just anger at other kids though, it was anger at her father, anger at her mother, anger at herself, burning white hot fire in the pit of her stomach. Sometimes her mother would look at her and do this sad little headshake that made her feel guilty for being how she was, but usually all she felt was rage at the fact that her mother didn’t offer any help, just stood by and watched as her only child was stained red and purple and black in anger and pain and sorrow. 

 

One of the few times she ever retaliated against him was during one of his screaming fits about ‘the gays’ and how she was ‘obviously one of them’. She managed to gather enough courage to yell back at him. “I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!”

 

“IT MEANS YOU LIKE JANE!” he bellowed, making Sagiel shrink back in fear of his wrath as her eyes darted to her mother, standing behind him with her hands covering her mouth, eyes glimmering with tears. Her expression read clearly to even Sagiel who didn’t understand anything about emotions. It said “I’m sorry,” which Sagiel didn’t understand at that moment. What was she sorry for? Letting her husband do this? Standing by as he hit her and yelled about things she didn’t yet comprehend? The next day however, she had a moment of clarity and insight as to what Liza was apologizing for, as she stumbled upon a note left on the coffee table. Staring down at what was written on the pale white sheet, she felt as though she finally understood why she would apologize. She was expressing regret for this action, this one last act of betrayal to her daughter, running from it all and leaving her to fend for herself. The note read,

  
  
  


_ My sweet Sagiel, _

 

_ I know you’ll be outraged and saddened by this action. I know you’ll feel betrayed by me, but my angel, my child, my treasure, I cannot stay here with your father any longer. _

_ If I had more time I would try to bring you with me, but I need to leave tonight. I will maybe see you again one day. _

 

_ I’m so sorry, _

 

_ Mama _

 

Sagiel’s eyes burned with unshed tears and she crumpled up the note, shoving it in her pocket as she climbed the stairs back to her room to dispose of the note and pretend like everything was okay. She did her usual routine for the mornings and left early for school, getting there before even the first bell had rung and slipped into her seat before anyone else was in the classroom besides the teacher. Mrs. Richmann looked pleasantly surprised by her earliness, giving her a small smile and nod, getting no response as Sagiel curled into herself on the seat in the back of the seventh-grade room, staring blankly at the board with a glazed expression. 

 

When the rest of the kids filed in Mrs. Richmann pulled Jane aside and asked her to sit with Sagiel. At Jane’s stricken expression, Mrs. Richmann explained that she thought Sagiel could use someone she was calm around for a bit, since she looked pretty down that day. Jane glanced over, noticing the dead expression on the other child’s face, eyes distant and cold, posture slumped and uncaring. She turned back to her teacher and nodded tentatively, crossing the room to take the seat next to the darker-haired girl. 

 

She kicked her legs nervously before mustering up the courage to greet her. “H-Hi,” she whispered out, mentally kicking herself when her voice didn’t come out the strong, happy way she wanted it to. Sagiel didn’t even turn towards her, just looked down at the table with an expression of complete and total numbness. Jane’s smile fell, turning to a grimace, she wasn’t used to this. Usually the other would be looking at her like a puppy-dog who needed extra love, but today she looked like she wanted nothing more than to curl up and die. Jane’s face fell even more when Sagiel fully turned her body away and stared at the wall resolutely. She reached her hand out and tapped the other girl’s shoulder, trying to draw her attention, but doing nothing more than make her back stiffen. Jane sighed in frustration, glaring at the other’s back. “Sagiel,” she said, still softly, but a bit more firmly. If it was even possible, the other girl stiffened more at the sound of her name. Jane’s eyes raked over her form, noting the way she curved her shoulders in while holding her spine rigid, her feet kept planted firmly on the ground. When Jane continued her staring at the back of Sagiel’s head, the smaller girl suddenly whipped around to face her with a glare that held none of its usual fire. Her dark brown eyes, with slight golden flecking, looked just as dull as before, even when narrowed into what Jane supposed was to be a fierce glare, but came off more as a kitten whose tail you had stepped on. She simply returned the look levelly, watching as Sagiel’s already shaky foundation crumbled. She curled in on herself again and refused to meet Jane’s eyes. Jane hummed and tapped her fingers on the desk, nails drumming a small rhythm, looking towards her teacher for a moment, before looking back to Sagiel. 

 

“What do you want,” Sagiel muttered out of the corner of her mouth, keeping her gaze fixed on the board as the teacher began writing rapid math problems. Jane’s mind raced, she needed to break the ice somehow. She pulled a loose piece of paper from her backpack and scribbled down a quick question.

 

_ Why is your name ‘Sagiel’? Is it a combination of names? _

 

Sagiel’s face scrunched up and she cast a furtive look at her table partner, confusion evident in her eyes.

 

_ My mom has a thing about ‘angelic’ names. It’s supposed to be like an angel’s I guess. It’s basically just the name Sage + the ending ‘iel’ which means ‘of God’. _

 

She slid the paper back to Jane, setting the pencil atop the sheet and pulling out her own for notes. She had only just begun writing down the current problem’s rules when the paper bumped her wrist again, a new question written.

 

_ What’s your favourite colour? _

 

Sagiel shook her head in disbelief, meeting Jane’s eyes again with the slightest head turn, before scratching down a new answer under the question.

 

_ Red. You? _

 

Jane’s face lit up, she was getting somewhere with this! She hurriedly scribbled down an answer and question.

 

_ Blue! What’s your favourite movie? _

 

Sagiel’s face shut down for a minute after reading the question. She wrote something on the paper, and Jane’s face nearly fell when she saw it. 

 

_ What’s your favourite book? _

 

A question instead of an answer? How was that fair? Jane turned to glare at Sagiel, completely ready to tell her that wasn’t how this worked, but stopped at the look on her face. Desperate for her question to be a suitable substitute for an answer to Jane’s question, she fiddled with her fingers and stared at the paper. Jane softened, evidently it wasn’t a question she wanted to answer, and Jane would have to respect that, even if she was used to getting what she wanted, usually. She sighed - she was doing a lot of that today, it seemed - and wrote back a quick answer.

 

_ Bridge to Terabithia. You? _

 

The immediate relief in Sagiel’s face made it worth it to Jane to have ignored the unfairness of Sagiel’s answer refusal. She happily answered the note, smiling slightly.

 

_ I really enjoy the Hunger Games books, myself. Bridge to Terabithia was really good though, even if it was a little sad at points. _

 

Jane smiled broadly, making mental notes about these little facts about Sagiel that could prove useful in their blossoming friendship. For the rest of class the wrote notes to each other and smiled at their answers. 

 

Unfortunately at the end of the period, the magic was broken, and it was off to another class, and Sagiel felt alone once more. She had made Jane keep the paper, figuring trying to keep it herself would just get her in trouble with her father. She smiled softly though, thinking back to the little facts she had learned about her longtime crush. Her favourite colour was blue, she loved cookies ‘n’ creme ice cream, she hated olives, she adored kittens, Sagiel could have gone on and on with these little facts that made her want to write poetry. She went through her next few classes being happier than she had in awhile, feeling like her head was full of clouds and like the sun was shining just a little brighter from that brief written conversation with Jane. She nearly floated through the hallways, drifting between people to get to her locker after the last period was over. She had just managed to get the door open when a fist whistled by her ear to make it slam shut. She leaned away from the forearm currently residing by her face.  _ Well there goes my good mood,  _ she thought sourly, as she turned to face the offending party.

 

“Can I fuckin’ help you,” she snarled. It wasn’t even a question at that point, it was a warning that a wrong answer would end in an altercation. The boy stood in front of her probably had a foot and a half of height on her and three times the muscle mass. He leered down at her, slamming his other hand into the locker at the other side of her head, effectively trapping her for all intents and purposes. He leaned down, smirking, and whispered in her ear.

 

“Hey queer, heard you’ll do anything to make people believe you aren’t a fag.” He leaned back up and started laughing, not paying enough attention to the girl in front of him. Her fist drove home against his stomach, packing her full weight behind the punch. She slammed her knee up as hard as she could into his crotch, thanking whatever was listening that she was still pretty thin and bony. The football-player-wannabe screamed in pain, grasping himself through his jeans. He looked close to tears, and Sagiel wondered if it really hurt that bad or if he was just weak. He suddenly reared back, glare on his face. “Listen here you little fag, you just made a HUGE mistake.” Sagiel attempted to dodge the hand coming her way, but was caught anyway and held in place as the idiot jimmied her locker open. At first she was confused, because what could be in her locker that he- oh. Oh no. Oh  _ hell  _ no. She understood what was happening as she was forcefully slammed into the metal trap, the door shutting behind her. She stood very still, wondering if anyone would even bother to try and let her out. She heard the other students slowly start to filter out of the school until all that was heard was the harsh sound of her own breathing in the metal box.  _ Why the hell so we even still have these stupid full-size lockers?!  _ She thought, beginning to feel panic set in.  _ Please someone help me please please please please!  _ She chanted as her breathing grew progressively more laboured and sweat poured off her face. She froze, forcing herself to stop breathing as she heard footsteps in the hall, hoping she wasn’t just tricking herself into believing they were there.

 

“Hello?” Came a soft, feminine voice from the hall. Sagiel’s heart nearly stopped.  _ Sweet salvation! _ Her mind cried.

 

“HELP!” She screamed, praying they would be able to find her. “PLEASE, HELP, I’M IN HERE!” She heard the footsteps grow closer, and then stop, a few lockers down. Her body seemed to grow a mind of its own, out of her control, as it twisted and slammed into the locker door. “LET ME OUT! PLEASE!” The footsteps began again, moving closer and closer, and her fallen backpack probably aided the other student in finding her. The door was shaken for a few seconds and then light began to pour in as it opened. She launched herself from where she was crammed and spilled over the floor, bashing her chin on the floor and getting carpet burn on her knees. She pushed herself up and looked around for her saviour, ready to thank them profusely, when she realized her face was too wet for it to just be sweat. She scrubbed at her cheeks and caught the gaze of none other than Jane Rees. She looked like she had no clue how to deal with a girl spilling out of a locker at her feet and had decided to do her best brick wall impression. When she finally recognized Sagiel, she gave a sigh of relief and helped her to her feet.

 

“Can I ask what you were doing in that locker?” She asked, a small smile on her face. Sagiel looked terrified for a moment, telling Jane what really happened might make her appear weak.

 

“I was...looking at the décor?” She tried, in a nervously joking tone. Jane raised an eyebrow but shrugged.

 

“If you don’t want to tell me that’s fine, but friends tell each other stuff you know.” Sagiel’s eyes widened.  _ Friends?  _ She thought.  _ Are we...friends?  _ She voiced the second question aloud, looking at Jane, eyes wide. Jane stared back at her, before laughing.

 

“Of course we are! Why else would I have pestered you though first period? I wanted to get to know you so we could become friends, silly!” Jane’s face was lit up with a bright smile, and Sagiel hesitated before shyly returning the gesture.  _ Friends… _

 

The next day, instead of being able to sit by Jane and chat some more, Sagiel was called up to the principal’s office. The argument that ensued between Sagiel’s father and Mike’s mother was harsh enough that the principal simply let both off with a one day suspension. Sagiel’s father dragged her off to a corner where no one would see them before laying into her with words like knives.

 

Jane didn’t mean to come upon the duo, but she had to walk by to drop something off to the secretary. As she was passing by she heard stammered apologies from Sagiel and an unknown male voice snarling something at her. Then she heard the sickening noise of flesh against flesh in what was obviously a slap. Jane became infuriated, which just gave her the determination to remain Sagiel’s friend through this hard time. When Sagiel got back to school Jane immediately sat in the seat next to hers in their first period and struck up a conversation.

 

For a year this seemed to calm Sagiel almost completely, her grades started going up, she seemed happier, she quit getting into -as many- fights, and she no longer came to school covered in dark bruises that she would brush off as her tripping in the kitchen or something similar. She was starting to heal and lighten, and then came movie day. They were watching Rise of the Guardians and Jane could tell just by how transfixed Sagiel was that she had never seen the movie before. Jane questioned her later when they were eating lunch underneath their tree. “Have you ever seen that movie before?”

 

“Duh, who hasn’t,” Sagiel evaded, eyes flicking to the side. Jane cocked an eyebrow at her.

 

“Who’s your favourite character then?” She asked, leaning closer to her friend. Sagiel’s ears burned pink.

 

“Pitch,” she whispered. Jane lowered her vocal volume to match her companion’s.

 

“Why?”

 

“He’s just sad and misunderstood, I can relate to that…” Sagiel’s voice trailed off as she stared at Jane. Jane hummed softly in the back of her throat before standing and offering Sagiel her hand. She smiled sweetly, hazel eyes catching the sunlight and turning more green than brown. As soon as Sagiel had her feet firmly planted on the ground, Jane cleared her throat.

 

“If you have time after school, you can come over, and we can watch more misunderstood characters together?” Sagiel smiled broadly - and wow it was breathtaking to see, in Jane’s opinion - and nodded.

 

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot,” she said softly, a stark contrast to the huge grin she was sporting. They continued their ritual of movie nights on Thursdays until they were sixteen when Sagiel attempted to confess how she felt to Jane. Things became strained as Jane rejected the idea of them ever becoming more than good friends, and finally the rope keeping them as friends pulled too taut and snapped, and their relationship when spiralling.

 

They didn’t speak for three months.

 

Another month passed and both girls could be seen looking at each other forlornly in the halls and in their classes. Sagiel was startled one day as she hid in the bathroom for lunch when she got a text message from none other than Jane.

 

_ hey where r u? im @ our old tree if u wanna join me _

 

Sagiel’s heart leapt to her throat and her breath hitched. Their old tree where they spent most of ninth grade eating lunch, and where Sagiel had confessed to Jane? She shuffled her feet nervously before typing out a reply.

 

_ Heading out there now. _

 

She lengthened her stride to make it out to the tree before lunch was over, and quickly beelined for the landmark as soon as she was free of the door. “Jane!” she called, rushing up to the other girl, smile already in place, until she saw the solemn demeanor Jane had adopted. “Jane?” She asked, voice soft and cautious.

 

“I’m moving. I thought you’d want to know,” she muttered, looking at her own feet, messing with the straps of her overalls. Sagiel looked confused.

 

“You called me out here, just to tell me you’re moving? I thought you wanted to rekindle our friendship, not tell me exactly why it can never be fixed!” The petite dark haired girl shouted, glare fixed on her face. Jane sighed, shoulders folding in, before quickly closing the distance between Sagiel and herself.

 

“I called you out here so I could do something I’ve wanted to do since I was thirteen years old but was too scared to act on,” Jane whispered, before pulling Sagiel up into a soft kiss. When the pulled away, Jane rested her forehead against Sagiel’s and sighed. “I’ll come back for you someday, alright? Promise, I’ll find you, and we’ll be together.”

  
Sagiel remembered that promise every day for the next ten years, until she couldn’t handle the waiting anymore.  _ At least death won’t keep me waiting for a date as long as Jane has _ , she thought as she closed her eyes and succumbed to eternal sleep.


End file.
